Masturbation or also called erotic self-pleasure is where most of us have experienced orgasms for the first time. In America, there is a lot of shame attached to self-pleasure and sexuality. Most of us masturbate and experience our own bodies as beneficial on many different levels. Self-pleasure is not only fun but it also comes with many health benefits. It increases happiness, helps you sleep better, relieve stress, and even help reduce muscle tension and menstrual cramps and so much more!

I don’t like the shame surrounding sex.  I think accepting sexuality and giving people the freedom to express their sexuality is important and vital to human existence.  Sometimes the best way to combat shame is to share our own experiences. So I asked a few people about the first time they ever decided to explore their own bodies.

I’ve decided to maintain their anonymity so all names have been changed. For most people, self-pleasure and having an orgasm happened by accident.

I’m sure you’ve heard that women love showers when it comes to pleasure.  Well, there’s a reason why they specifically love showerheads. For many girls, showers and hot tubs were the first places they experienced this wonderful event. Jane told me a little about her first time and says she owes it all to her Jacuzzi bathtub. Being near the water and feeling the pressure near her made Jane want to try something different. “One day I was just curious, so I put my clitoris up to it and it felt really amazing.” 

For Sarah, her first orgasm was also through water jets. She told me that she and a friend had gone to Pensacola for spring break. The place she was staying at had a hot tub. She was floating on her back with her legs outside of the hot tub near the jet. Suddenly, Sarah was lightheaded and felt like she had blacked out for a minute. At the time, she didn’t know what an orgasm was and had no idea she had just experienced one.  As soon as she got out of the hot tub, though, she tried using the showerhead in her shower to repeat the orgasm again. Whatever she was experiencing, she knew she liked it and she knew she wanted to keep doing it. In fact, this experience was very similar to my own! One day, I, too, was swimming with a friend of mine in her pool.  She called me over and showed me how you could prop your legs up and let the jet stream move against your “private parts”.  I did exactly what she did and it tickled and felt so good! I couldn’t wait to go back to her house.  It was such an incredible experience that I was hooked and never looked back with the water jets! 

Jane and Sarah admitted that for years this was the only way they could experience an orgasm. Now, Jane has moved on to toys. She prefers to use a wand or a bullet vibrator. With both toys, Jane will lay on her side or back and move the toy in a circular motion pressed against her clitoris. “Porn helps, too!” she tells us. Sarah, on the other hand, now uses her hands but in the same motion as Jane- pushing down on her clit and moving in a circular pattern. She says this technique also helps her during penetration, too. Through the way she masturbates, she can now achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. 

Men experiencing their own bodies have been a lot more accepted by society. Therefore, the men we talked to had started exploring their bodies as early as seven years old. Mark told us that he had learned about self-pleasure through the older guys. He decided to try to pleasure himself because he had heard those older friends talking about it. The first few times, it felt good but nothing ever came from it. This went on for quite some time. One day, after a shower, he tried for hours. Finally, he experienced his first orgasm. He said the feeling was like anything he’s ever felt before. “My legs froze and shook. My eyes closed and my muscles tensed. I felt free and it was amazing.”

Luke says that the first time he tried self-pleasure, he was very young and didn’t exactly know what he was doing. “I used to rub myself against this giant teddy bear I had.  I didn’t know that what I was doing was masturbating.  I just knew it felt good.” Luke used the teddy bear for months. He said his friend also knew about self-pleasure and sometimes they would do it in the same room. One day, when he was home and tried it, he experienced ejaculation for the first time. “It really scared me,” Luke said. “I thought something was wrong.” He ended up calling that friend who had already experienced ejaculation before. “He calmed my fears and told me that was supposed to happen,” Luke says.

The beginnings of self-pleasure can be difficult to talk about because many of us had to discover what we liked through trial and error and by doing things that at first felt uncomfortable.  Talking about masturbation, though, just like talking about sex helps normalize sexuality.  When we normalize sexuality, we are able to experience our bodies and others confidently.  We are not afraid to ask questions.  We are open to trying new experiences, and we are capable of saying what we like and do not like.  

For many women, self-pleasure can be a great tool for achieving orgasm through sex.  When we become familiar with our bodies, we are then empowered when engaging with others. Take your time and enjoyment in discovering what your body likes, feel what enhances your pleasure the most and what doesn’t. When you come together with a partner you will have the knowledge to guide your partner in the experience, the way it feels best to you, and they can feel the joy from being able to please you the way you enjoy it the most!

Pure Orgasmic Love is all about helping you improve your sense of acceptance, communication, and trust.  Erotic self-pleasure is a great tool that helps improve these very things.  

Can you remember the first time you tried to erotically self-pleasure yourself?  

What was it like?  

Were you nervous?  



What’s does your self-pleasuring look like today? 

Whatever the case may be, I believe in the power of self-love.  Exploring our bodies is an act of self-love. 

I would love to hear your story!

In erotic breath, love, and hugs from my heart to your heart ~Dragonfly💜