Life isn’t always how we thought it would go for us, or what we were told it would look like for us. And knowing where to turn for guidance, how you want your life to look, understanding what sort of things may be holding you back from your full potential or complete pleasure can be so confusing and make you feel very stuck.
I see you in this, I have been there myself. Sitting on the bed, on the shower floor or in the car crying as it would seem for no apparent reason. Wondering how it could be different, why are these things happening? It wasn’t supposed to be this way! Unfortunately, these situations are not an original sense of feeling. I wish I could say they were. Most people I know and work with, who are willing to be vulnerable share similar experiences just like this. I am not the only person that has felt the lack of connection or pleasure filling up my life. So many humans feel this very way or similar within other situations happening.
After receiving feedback from Ivy, (an attendee at one of the Goddess Gateway Weekends) I took a moment to sit down to read it. I soon found myself saying, me too, me too, connecting with her words at different moments of my life. Especially when I started down the path to more pleasure and truly discovering what and how that looked for me. And then I said, I NEED TO SHARE THIS TO HELP ALL OF US! We all need it. So I paused for a moment, consciously breathing (like I frequently do) and felt to share a beautiful woman’s experience, and how attending a Goddess Gateway pulled her up and allowed the light to shine in. (With her permission, I have included Ivy’s words from her personal experience.)
Ivy had lots of fears and also knew she needed something to bring more joy to her life, but what and how? This is when she found me and allowed her shaking, unsure self to move towards something that may just help.
Before attending she wasn’t sure it was for her. “I was nervous about the unknown. I wondered what I would have to do, and scared of what may come up deep within me. I was dealing with really intense depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts just before the Goddess Gateway.” Her past experiences were raring up like a lion and everything was telling her to run the other way, “I was terrified I was not going to be comfortable opening up about these things around a bunch of strangers. I know that even if it varies in intensity for others who have the same emotional pain, this is a common obstacle, so I tried to push past it as much as possible so that I would not inhibit myself from growing.” Ivy also knew it was important for her to start taking self-responsibility for her happiness and learning to integrate tools to take care of herself. This alone can be scary, wanting to throw up the walls and essentially say that your desires and needs don’t matter. Instead, she pulled out that curiosity and decided to step into a path of healing and greater pleasure. “I was very curious about what tools I could use to better reconstruct how I process getting through really rough emotional storms.”
For me and so many others, ‘the tools’ have not been provided or even acknowledged that there are many tools to help yourself. We are not taught this in school. Our caregivers were not taught this, most likely, so they are not going to pass along that needed knowledge to you. They don’t have it!
So here I am with multiple sources of somatic wellness education and an amazing perspective of how this education and community can support learning connection and pleasure. Something prior I did not know could exist for myself and so many others. One of the spaces I hold is a safe container for vulnerability, something we are told will hurt us or interfere with the love we desire from yourself and others. Which I now know is just the opposite of what vulnerability does for us, which is a deeper relationship with yourself and others. I have seen this time and time again when I am educating with groups immersively and the sharing process happens. And, this is was something Ivy was discovering for herself, “I WAS NOT ALONE. I listened to the other women who all made me feel so secure, and validated. They had gone through very similar emotions whether this Goddess Gateway was their first or second.”
Allowing yourself this process isn’t always easy, compassion and acceptance are needed as well, and this is where the full permission came in for the pleasure journey to begin for herself. “I knew from the core of my being that I accepted this opportunity because I crave to be a better version of myself.” She started to lean into the support and discover what it means to have some self-care. Unpacking and learning what habitual responses she has used for her care in the past, that now, may no longer be needed. “I did take my moments to be alone and cry if I needed to self soothe and process the pain that came through during the exercises… but when I came back I felt that much more empowered. The releasing I did with the other women made me feel so much stronger than any time I’ve held it all in. I was encouraged the entire way to take care of myself, learning what that looked like for me.” It is always such a beautiful thing to see when that opening starts to happen and the self-love and compassion start to set in. Moving us further into the direction of some new or revitalized pleasure.
Attending events like this have an impact on us going forward. Something shifts, sometimes small and sometimes huge. You can feel yourself start to get a lighter feeling when engaging within this somatic process.
So I want to leave you with how this Goddess Gateway impacted Ivy’s journey going forward. No longer that shaking unsure woman. Now she has a new awareness, perspective, valuable insights, and tools. She is allowing herself to journey into the unknown, supporting and starting to love herself in a new beautiful way!
“More than anything, I realized I had underrated my desires, needs, wants. I am learning to prioritize myself because I can not give my best when I am falling apart. I saw that there’s a lot I neglect about myself just to please others. Now, I breathe more. I’m slower to react because I want to process how I am feeling. And last, I don’t dismiss and close my pain off from people because I’m scared it’s too much for them. I am still learning how I want to use my words to properly communicate when things go wrong in my life to my loved ones. I also see that I need to fall apart so I can build myself up stronger, and showing others your vulnerabilities actually makes you more bonded; it’s an encouraging feeling. This Goddess Gateway showed me that maybe my initial reaction is coming from how previous toxic relationships and negative environments have influenced me to not be true to myself. I want to be an open-hearted, supportive, fun and relaxed spirit of a person and I now have tools and I better understand how that looks and feels for me as an individual.” AND SHE WANTS MORE!
“Three days of being in this unconditionally loving environment were not enough. When it was coming to a close, I was sad because I longed for more. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to shed light on the dark place I was in. This was like giving a child a night light, things that were locked away and mysterious are no longer terrifying me to the point I feel paralyzed. However, I am ready for all the loving warm light- hoping to ignite and brighten another corner with each Gateway and Retreat as I continue to grow with Dragonfly at Pure Orgasmic Love.”
I want to take a moment to acknowledge Ivy’s vulnerability of sharing this, and the power of moving her obstacles to achieve more pleasure in her life. I truly hope this has given you some insight into one woman’s journey of stepping into her self-care.
Remember you too are not alone and together we fly!
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