About
Dragonfly
From an early age, I’ve been interested in the human body and how it operates. Running around naked outside and not understanding why I wasn’t allowed to have my shirt off when all the boys in the neighborhood could.
My fascination with our bodies and the stories of how and why we do what we do with them grew stronger as I grew up. That should have been a clue that I was destined for my current career.
Surprise, I’m a Somatic Sexologist! And yes, I’m still a nudist who sometimes doesn’t understand why I have to wear clothes.
In some way, I always knew I was intended to deeply connect and help others, as my indigenous granny often told me I had a gift that shined bright. And when you’re a child, you don’t usually know what that means or what it will relate to.
Being a kid is hard, and for me, there were some beautiful moments and some moments that I was screaming so loudly inside, “why me?”
My relationship with my sexuality started young, being attracted to the magazine pictures of soft skin, beautiful eyes, and long hair of a woman, as well as the popular boy bands I would see on MTV (when it was still only music videos). I had the same fluttering feeling inside of me for both. So confusing!
An experience that greatly impacted discovering my sexual side was a friend introducing me to a pool jet and a pleasure I didn’t know existed at 11; wow, I had no idea that part of my body could feel like that! Then, the following year, at 12 and then again at 16, I was forced to endure sexual traumas, not being able to fully speak up, and being shamed and blamed for actions done against me- not even reporting it the second time. I internalized the confusion, pain, anger, and hurt. Feeling so many things and not being able to express them. Holding them in skewed my understanding of the world around me and the trust in myself and others needed to move forward in relationships. A young woman without a voice. Now confused by pleasure and what it meant.
As an adult, I became a Med Tech working in substance abuse, mental health, and then naturopathic medicine. But I still felt something was missing, a need to expand my creative side, so I became a master cosmetologist, helping people, primarily women, feel beautiful. Even though that took me into amazing adventures like being a New York Fashion Week stylist, while it allowed me to get super creative with angles and color dimensions, it wasn’t my intended career and gave me a new perspective on momentary beauty. But I did find myself helping others in my chair in a more profound way. I shared my personal stories of relationships, sex, pain, and celebrations to help them as they ask for advice.
Something was happening in a way I didn’t expect. As I opened up to them, I was also releasing and expanding. That’s when I realized what my granny had meant all those years back; I finally knew what path I was meant to take. I wanted to help people feel an authentic connection and help them bring pleasure to their lives. To do that, I had to walk a path of self-discovery, digging deeper into who I was programmed to be and who I wanted to be and giving myself the permission to walk into the unknown to truly enhance myself and become all I was meant to be.
My path wasn’t just forward but with many turns and curves along the way.
Whether it was limitations placed upon me or my own internalized self-imposed limitations of who I was or could be. Finding who I am has been quite a journey. Being honest with myself has been challenging. Holding the mirror up and digging into me, no longer lying to myself and shifting how I see myself. No blame, and taking control of me. No longer limiting who I can be because of limiting beliefs of who I am.
I heard self-love. It whispered very softly to me, but I never listened. After years of not listening, it became apparent that if I did not form a solid relationship with it, I might not be around even to hear the whispers.
There is a time when ignoring and pushing through won’t work anymore. Your life comes crashing down in an instant, seemingly out of nowhere. But it was not out of nowhere; I just got good at ignoring the signs or those whispers I was hearing. Until I was in a lot of pain, not able to dance or be sexual, and laughter seemed like a thing of the past.
Stress. Past undealt traumas. I was holding it all in.
My health wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
I was diagnosed with two autoimmune disorders. I was not me, a shell of who I once was.
The frustration and overwhelming lack of answers from the medical community led my mind to play tricks on me. Depression and anxiety were increasing, and I started to think it would be better if I weren’t taking up space on this planet.
Then, I almost did die, I had a stroke, and it was the most terrifying thing I had ever been through. Not just how I felt going through it all, but the thought of leaving my little girls, the idea of not seeing them and my loving husband, and what they would have all gone through was horrible. My heart and body were breaking even more.
Something had to change. E and I took matters into our own hands. We decided not to give up and dig into it to heal myself.
I quickly realized that what I had been told was healthy wasn’t exactly true, and it made me worse, adding to the stress of my body and the breakdown of my health.
By making dietary and lifestyle changes, I began giving my body what it actually needed to heal. As my hormones balanced and my autoimmune symptoms improved, I continued working on myself.
I had to set boundaries. I had to treat myself with kindness and compassion. I had to know what I loved and what made me healthy and engage in that, regardless of what is “normal,” which my societal programming didn’t love. That resistance monster showed up and had to be dealt with daily. And it slowly showed up less and less.
Understanding how the traumas and obstacles unintentionally and intentionally put in place affected me was vital to my healing. I had to shift my mindset, and the programming running the show downloaded into me that I wasn’t entirely aware was even there. By practicing and being aware, I continued walking along my pleasure path.
Fast forward to a current time when I celebrate being in my body and everything it can do! Being able to move, paddleboard, dance, do yoga, feel aroused and sexual, and know what it actually means to feel good in my body.
Honestly, it’s indescribable how this shift feels within me. To have a voice, trust my inner compass, and feel confident in asking even when the answer is no.
As I began to unfold into all of this and expand, I understood that it’s not just one thing that makes us the healthiest, most connected, pleasure-filled humans.
Understanding all of that also meant accepting all the parts of me. My pansexuality, the kinky me, the emotional me, the silly me, the I care too much me, the needy me, the adventurous me, the sometimes bratty me, the loving me. And I could list many more because just like it’s not one thing that supports us, we are comprised of more than one thing as well.
I chose a more somatic (body-based) approach to my learning. Since emotions and the body have intrigued me for so long, it felt like a perfect fit! I returned to school and graduated from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality with a degree in Human Sexuality. I continued to become a Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Somatica® Method Sex and Relationship Coach, a Guide for Women’s Empowerment and Pleasure, a Non-Monogamy Coach, and a Tantric Yoga Instructor.
My career started with private clients, educating them on topics that ranged from not-so-sexy to super-sexy. These are very different areas to learn, but all in support of authenticity, sexual wholeness, and well-being. That then led me to offer experiences to pleasure-seeking humans at conventions such as Naughty N’awlins (the largest lifestyle convention in the US) and Fetish Con. Resorts and private hotel takeovers in Iceland, Hedonism II Resort, Caliente Resort, SDC Exclusive Events, and cruises such as Naughty Cruise and Bliss Cruise all designed for connection and pleasure! I was also the first educator featured on XR University and a contributor to the Nusa Sun Magazine, ASN Magazine, and The Sexy Lifestyle Podcast. This adventure has been such an honor to participate in and help seed more love and pleasure in the world.
My passion for guiding you to understand your own pleasure and expand your erotic and relationship intelligence has supported me in creating my own immersive educational PleasurePlayshops™ and Connected & Pleasured Goddess Gateways™. These offerings allow women and couples to explore their needs, wants, and desires in safe, consensual, fun, and arousing experiences worldwide. Being able to do this has made my body move and tingle in the most delicious ways.
Thank you for being here and learning more about me. I hope my story has given you some support in some way and you decide to choose yourself in the many magnificent ways possible.
Remember.
The choices you make, the programming you follow, the relationships you engage in, and the sex you feel is yours, what are you choosing?
Orgasmic breath, love & hugs from my heart and genitals to yours,
Dragonfly xx
E
Hello Primates, I’m E, Erik, sometimes called Mr. Dragonfly.
Being here at Pure Orgasmic Love full-time was not part of the original plan; however, like everything else, that plan evolved. Let me explain.
My background is in zoology. I spent 20 years working at some of the highest-rated AZA Accredited Zoos in the country. The primary goal of these facilities is to save endangered species through education and breeding.
I had a fantastic career and, along the way, learned the specific needs of species from all over the world.
The idea of looking at humans as just another species began when my amazing wife began to have severe autoimmune issues in her early thirties. We spent years being passed around to specialists who could offer meds to cover up the symptoms but very little in the way of explanations.
I was watching my vibrant energetic adventure partner start to fall apart. It was excruciating to see her gradually have to limit more and more of her favorite activities like hiking and sex. She had no energy and was in constant pain. She wasn’t physically capable of living the life she wanted. Then, unbeknownst to us, her hormones began to become unbalanced. This imbalance led to her feeling and, to be honest, acting a bit crazy. As she seemed to get worse, my sense of helplessness shifted to anger and frustration as to how the hell humans survived. If we fell apart in our thirties without modern medicine, we would not have survived as a species.
My zookeeper brain was telling me I was missing something. I decided to approach my wife’s health as if she were a resident at the zoo.
When I looked into what humans need from a biological perspective, I found that we are not being given the information we need to be healthy! In fact, most of what we are being told is making us worse.
Long story short, I looked at Dragonfly’s health like a zookeeper and made some changes to her nutrition and other areas of her life, and she started to improve. We dug deeper and followed the science. This science often went against commonly held beliefs about what is healthy. We made more changes regardless, and she got even better.
Ultimately, we eliminated all autoimmune markers and balanced her hormones, not to mention her feeling horny, pain-free, and stronger than ever.
During my deep dive, I became certified as a primal health coach and decided to start working with Human Primates instead of the non-human primates at the zoo. My involvement in Pure Orgasmic Love started as Dragonfly’s practice expanded, and we heard story after story of familiar feelings of confusion, fear, and frustration. I had to help.
The species I work with has changed, but the goals of overall health and a keen interest in sex remain. Helping Dragonfly’s clients balance their hormones, reduce pain, increase libido, and feel all around better has become my new adventure. I am so thankful for the healthy, vibrant, and amazing partner I have to share the adventure with.
Keep Evolving,